NAPTIME IS BULLSHIT

Naptime is bullshit. We stopped havin’ naptime around the first grade, far as I can remember. And other than that it was for wussies, or gays. So when they try to put us old folks down for a nap at midday, I say “no.”

Maybe it’s just me but I think grandma has been bringing me here to the Oro Vista Senior Center a lot more lately. It was just the “Smile Fridays” class for a while but I sense that I’ve been coming here more than one time a week. Now I can’t be sure, and I ain’t makin any rash judgments, but I’m not so sure it’s Friday today. This feels a bit like a Wednesday to me, but like I said--only a suspicion.

After naptime we have snack time where you get juice and cookies, but if you’re a diabetic you get to go eat snacks in cafeteria B. This doesn’t seem fair. I don’t think they should be receiving special attention. One time I said I was a diabetic just so I could go see what they get in cafeteria B, but it turned out to be three crackers and some raisins in a Dixie cup. I don’t go in cafeteria B anymore. Diabetics are losers.

But back to naptime.

These old gals just love naptime. What’s that about? I just fall asleep when it suits me, and I’m doing okay. Men don’t need naptime. The only fellah in the joint that likes naptime is Frankie Lee, but I think he’s a gay, so what does that tell you?

Frankie Lee can sleep like nobody’s business. His head hits the pillow and he’s out, and I mean OUT. I don’t try to wake him up--this is Frankie Lee we’re talkin about. It’s strange, because I didn’t think there WERE gay grandpas. He’s the first one I’ve ever met. Beside my chums down at the bathhouse, that is. But that's just good clean experimentation.

So to sum up: scheduled, short format group sleep periods are, like I said, bullshit. Don't put up with it.