Yesterday someone called up on the telephone and wanted me to pay for something he called "digital cable." Said it was faster than my old brain. Well, you can be sure I didn't fall for his carpet bagging scam. "Why, you're a little fool!" I says, and asked him why he so dearly sought to shaft and old man like me. I don't think he heard my dictum because he replied that he was calling from North Dakota, and he had a quota to work on. I told him to hold the line, so's I could do some thinkin'.

Anybody worth his salt knows there ain't no such thing as "North Dakota." How could there be? It's never in the newspaper. I bet it's not even on a globe in the universe! If it REALLY existed, we'd know about it by now. McCarthy'd have mentioned it to us. He's a good joe. As clear as day.

North Dakota my foot: He might as well have said "Hi, I'm the freakin' EASTER BUNNY callin' you from SANTA'S freakin' WORKSHOP, and will you please donate your freakin' PROSTATE to us because Mrs. Clause got POSSESSED by freakin' SATAN!? I say let the old hag die.

I bet the commies are having a field day with this one. Fearless Leader had them call up all the old timers in America, tryin' to get them to believe in things that don't exist. Do they think we don't know the difference? Well, I'll tell you something: You're not gonna catch me with a poster of Dean Martin, you little maggot! Besides that, it just doesn't sound right.

What kind of a nutty loon would make up the words "North" & "Dakota" and put'em together? Sounds like another planet. A place where everyone has "digital cable" and shows it off like they were Rita Hayworth. You don't want to live THERE, do you? Maybe they all have suction cups where their eyes should be.

So when I finally picked the phone back up, there was only a dial tone. That good-for-nothin' Philistine took me for a sucker. And when I found him out, he ran for Canada without sayin' goodbye. END-OF-STORY.