Now, grandma never uses the VCR much. It’s a Sony . A steal (pictured) at only $295 down at The Good Guys. She doesn't like the new things I buy because I enjoy them. And also because they have buttons and lights. And with my Sony, you finally get to know what one of the buttons does and all of a sudden it’s doing something different. So she lets it be, and that’s fine.

But I know my machine through and through, and I can get it up and runnin in 20, 30 minutes easy. Sure, I’ve heard talk of advanced features like the so-called “pause button”, and some say there's even a clock located somewhere on the front, but I ain’t one to play with fire. Plus, I don’t do much “video tape” renting, but I’ve got programs I like to record. And I know that when I left that VCR last, there was no tape in it called “Superstars of Lesbianism.”

I went to pop out the tape so I could watch my collection of the Lawrence Welk Show and out comes this horrible thing. What is a superstar of lesbianism? How can someone be a superstar in that field? I don’t know any lesbians, but apparently some are held in much higher regard than others.

I can’t answer these questions, but I guess I know who can. Grandma. I don’t know how to approach the subject, though. Could grandma be a fan of lesbianism? Could she have deciphered the complex workings of my Sony to become a practicing lesbianism groupie? Or worse yet -- a Superstar of Lesbianism herself?

TO PART TWO >