It’s always fun to read the funny papers. It’s all crap, but it’s a nice break from the never ending news of the day. Somebody’s always out mucking up this world of ours and leavin us citizens to clean up the mess. Let’s discuss this for a moment.

Today there was another article on the bad people of the world. These bad people would have us believe that animals have rights. Ha! You know what I say to those people? I say, “Why do you hate Jesus? Because Jesus tells us that animals are food.” It’s only good, common sense. You’d have to be off your rocker to believe otherwise.

I work up an appetite just looking at all the cows on the side of country roads. I wonder, “Why aren’t they dead yet? Somebody must be falling behind in their work. Somebody has been listening to this foolishness.”

Fess up, now. You can’t deny that a good, zesty animal -- even the smell, or rustle of nearby chickens -- gets you craving that next big meal? It’s in our nature, and that kind of thing can’t be argued. The U.S. of A. is all about taking what God gave us. You deny that, you fanatic bastards, and not only do you destroy this proud land of ours, but you’re goin’ to hell!

Ain’t nobody lining up at KFC to buy family-size buckets of tossed salad.