Who among us has the know-how and the where-with-all to stand up to people from the future? Not I, and that’s the god’s honest truth. Those bastards are fast, and they get in and out of the bedroom before I even know it. Why, I don’t even see them half the time. But that’s okay, I’ve seen ‘em enough.

One of them’s short. The other one has a mustache and he’s not bad lookin. You know, for a fella. He can be real charming when he’s trying to get me to give out more toothpaste, but I stop at half a tube. I’m generous, but I ain’t crazy. Only I think all that toothpaste eating is just some kind of diversion while the short one steals my medicine. I can never find that stuff anymore, and Doctor Mike says it’s real important I take those three a day, or I’m liable to start seeing crazy nonsense that ain’t there. I asked the cat about it, and he said that’s a load of crap.

The other day I went over to my neighbor Jackson’s house and climbed in the window. I just needed some rest from all that racket the people from the future make, and Jackson’s in Canada for a month so he won’t mind. Damn his bathtub is big! I mean what the hell!? How come his bathtub’s so big? Something’s wrong with his shower though. I hardly fit in there and it won't flush anymore.

Other than that it’s nice living at Jackson’s. His bed’s real comfortable and I like his shoes. They’re snug. Jeopardy’s starting, I have to go.